This one has been brewing in my head for a while and I'd like to dedicate it to my friends Holly and Justin, who show humility and joy and sensitivity all at the same time.
So, as many of you know John and I had a 3 1/2 year battle with infertility. (I know it looks silly to put the 1/2 in there, but when you are in the middle of it the 1/2 can seem like an eternity.)
Last year John and I got to give a talk to the Young Married/Newly Wed class that we mentor on family planning and infertility. What we tried to impress most were helpful hints and suggestions on how to love those who are struggling.
#1 Please do not suggest adoption to us. Adoption is not something we have not already thought of and it is NOT a quick fix to get us a kid right away.
#2 Did you know that 1 in 6 couples have some kind if infertility issue? That's a lot of people. More than you really think. So be sensitive when discussing fertility and pregnancy issues in public.
#3 I want to hear about your news. I am excited for you. It is also a sad reminder of my own infertility issues, so it might be helpful to tell me prior to your announcing it so I have time to grieve privately. A couple of my friends did this for me and I will ALWAYS remember that kindness.
#4 Don't say "Just relax." If I had a nickle for every time I heard that one....
#5 Do be a good listener. We don't need someone to solve our problems (that's what we pay the doctors for), but we do need friends and listeners that love us and just listen.
#6 It's OK to go to counseling. Sometime it's too big and you need some help to remember that God is a good God.
That was just some of the highlights of the talk, but you get the idea. Infertility is real and it is really painful. But, I also know there was no sweeter time, that John and I leaned on each other, and it really challenged us to look to Jesus to be our comfort and not anything here on this earth.
3 comments:
Thank you Charissa. Those are exactly the same things I would say, but I would add not to tell me "You're young, you've still got time."
It is one of the hardest things to go through, but it made our marriage stronger and our reliance on God something we lived every day by. There's no other way to do it.
Thank you for your prayers, and they are returned, be assured!
Love you guys,
Holly
Amen and amen...I don't think we could have said it better and I also agree with the other comment by the Nobles about "being young". What a joy to see all those prayers answered for you guys when we see Gianna and for us when we see Maxwell (and at 3 years old, it is always good to remember that we waited 2 1/2 years for him...and the 1/2 does matter when you've walked through infertility!). --Matt
You don't know me, but I was Elizabeth McDonnell's Bible study leader with Crusade when she was at A&M. My husband and I have been on this road for 6 1/2 years, so we completely understand and agree with everything you said. It's exciting to see how the Lord has answered your prayers, and it reminds us that He truly has a plan for everyone, and it's always perfect! May God bless your beautiful family!
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